Male sex toys are (how do you say…) “tres magnifique,” regardless of what they do or how they’re made. I don’t give a damn about brand names, I couldn’t care less about customer reviews and my opinions aren’t swayed by marketing ploys or buyer trends. Quite frankly, anything that can make it easier to ejaculate gets my vote automatically.
Still, there are certain toys out there that have captured and kept my attention (and my heart) more than others. This surprising result of my many years of perversion is true even, and especially, in lieu of some of the newer products available. You know, the ones that promise to be amazing but end up performing like expensive pieces of shit? I got tired of dealing with empty bank accounts and devastated expectations, so I started taking note of the good stuff and I’m passing the savings on to you. You’re welcome.
First and foremost, however, let’s talk about the differences between toy types really quick. Modern men now have to make a choice between manual or automatic masturbators, auto-blow machines, cock rings and cages, prostate massagers and so much more just to bust a decent nut. So, although we no longer have to hand crank our spank bank if we don’t want to, we have some new problems.
The struggle may be real but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. In terms of sex toys that are most pleasurable, versatile and affordable (for men and women alike), you can’t go wrong with a good prostate massager. As kinky and against mainstream as that may sound, hear me out. Prostate massagers are generally viewed as a sex toy geared toward homosexual men, but that’s not the case at all. In fact, more p-spot stimulation devices are sold to straight men, women and couples than to gay males worldwide.
So, let’s put that old assumption to rest shall we. In reality, prostate massagers can create a sexual experience that’s more enjoyable for everyone involved. That’s especially true if the thing is well made and affordable. But since there are so many options to choose from out there, a little knowledge goes a long way.
What Is a Prostate Massager?
Put simply, a prostate massager is a compact device that’s designed to produce pleasurable sensations inside the anus by stimulating the p-spot. In some cases, prostate toys also feature perineum stimulators and/or ball loops as well. Prostate massagers work by being inserted into the anal canal at varying depths to achieve a more intensified orgasm.
Aside from the somewhat adventurous yet completely natural sensations provided by a good prostate massager, many of them are specially designed to be customized to the user’s liking. The average prostate massaging toy can vary in size, shape and functionality so widely that it’s difficult to describe. Unfortunately, that doesn’t help the guy or gal who’s new to the whole ass-play scene.
It’s tough to know what you like and dislike when you’ve never used a prostate massager before. Even for seasoned pros, newly introduced models make it difficult to determine what’s best. I know it’s hard, but it’s not nearly as hard as you’ll be when you find the right one. In other words, taking an impromptu trip to Pound Town should require some preparation, not Preparation H.
In general, you’ll know you have a decent prostate massager on your hands if it’s shaped like a shaft or bulbous egg. Keep in mind, however, that p-spot toys now come in several forms. So, while some people enjoy a hearty stick up their ass, others might prefer something a little less aggressive. My advice: Don’t just look at a toy’s features; check out its dimensions as well. In fact, there are numerous things you should consider before spending any money on a new prostate toy. Let’s get down to the brass taxes, shall we?
The Perfect Prostate Massager: Why Choosey Men Choose This
Most people put more thought into what they want for dinner than what they shove in their ass. Not only is that stupid and shortsighted but it can also be dangerous. Truth be told, it’s crucial to be critical about your prostate massager and I’ll give you 3 good reasons why:
- Careful scrutiny of your anal sex toys promotes a more satisfying experience.
- Some prostate massagers are made with materials that could cause skin irritations or allergic reactions.
- Not all models are made the same, with certain devices having more features or better ergonomics than others.
In a perfect world, every single p-spot stimulation device on the market would be made with hypoallergenic materials and feature amazing bells and whistles that are easy to use and even easier to maintain. But that’s just not the way things work, boys and girls. In reality, you have to place a certain level of importance on being a savvy shopper, especially when we’re talking about anal sex toys.
10 Things to Look for in a Top Prostate Massager
To become that “savvy shopper” I mentioned above, what you really need is a set of concise yet generalized guidelines. Of course, you can do whatever you want, but it wouldn’t be wise to continue your search without considering the stuff mentioned below. Get the most bang for your buck by closely examining the following things about any prostate massager or you’ll be sorry:
I probably don’t have to tell you this, but size matters. For beginners, stick with the smaller devices if you know what’s good for you. Ass play pros can move up the scale a bit, but they should still proceed with caution. If you’re unsure which size of prostate massager to choose, opt for something that features a tapered shape so you can control things along the way.
The shape of your prostate massager is just as important as its size, if not more. I mentioned tapered p-spot toys in the paragraph above but that’s not the only choice you have. Some prostate massagers are bulbous in shape while others are smooth, resembling a penis or dildo. Depending on how you plan to use it, the toy’s basic shape will matter quite a bit. Newbies should start with straight devices while the pros can feel free to experiment with globular models.
A good prostate massager is so much more than a stick you shove up your ass. It’s supposed to be designed for maximum pleasure, and that sometimes calls for a little creativity. Thankfully, today’s best p-spot toy manufacturers have begun using exciting new features on their products – things like vibrating motors, gyrating heads and rechargeable batteries. Knowing how you plan to use it (and having a slight idea as to what you and/or your partner prefers) can help you narrow down the search quite a bit here.
- Technological Advancement
A prostate massager’s size, shape and features are all terrific things to consider, but none of it matters if you can’t work the damn thing in the first place. These days, there are more high-tech sex toys than classic ones, meaning you’ll need to brush up on your tech skills before using many of the models available. To keep things simple, stay away from p-spot toys with vibe functions, Bluetooth connectivity or VR compatibility. To be adventurous and push the envelope, pounce on that shit with a quickness.
High-tech, low-tech, it doesn’t matter. If the toy itself is difficult to operate then it’s little more than an expensive piece of shit. In other words, user-friendliness is more important than you realize. Granted, you probably can’t take a toy on a test drive before buying. So, knowing whether it’s easy to use is hard. One way to do it: check out the positioning of the controls while considering the overall shape, size, and design at the same time. If those features all come together nicely, chances are it’s a simple device to enjoy.
There’s really no point in fussing about the size or features of a prostate massager if the device is wholly ineffective at producing pleasurable sensations. Since all men (and women) are unique – with one-of-a-kind anal canals that require different types of attention – there’s no one-size-fits-all p-spot toy nor is there a single device that’s ideal for everyone. To determine a toy’s effectiveness without taking a test drive, do a finger test or carefully consider the kind of pleasure you desire most.
Considering you’re going to be slamming this thing into an asshole repeatedly, it’s important for it to be durable. The tight anal canal not only puts a lot of pressure on a toy but it also requires a gentle touch from a firm structure that won’t come apart at an inopportune time (or poke a hole through your ass). In other words, it’s important to think about how robust you want your prostate massager and compare that to how you intend to use it. Typically, these kinds of toys range from extremely stiff to surprisingly flexible, so take your time deciding.
We are living in a material world, so we have to be material boys and girls. In other words, the material with which your prostate massager is made makes a big difference. This especially true for people who have allergies, skin sensitivities or who favor one type of lubrication over another. For example, silicone toys require water-based lubes to prevent damaging the integrity of the device. So, even if you have tough skin it’s still important to check out what materials are used before you buy.
Don’t scare your lover (or your own asshole) to death with an intimidating prostate massager. Although you may not realize it, the appearance of your sex toys often determines how much fun you can have with them. For instance, whipping out a commanding prostate massager in front of an ass play newbie might create feelings of apprehension that weren’t there before. Think critically here, ladies and gentlemen.
Last but not least, consider the price of your toy, keeping in mind that costs can vary widely between models and brands. If you buy if from the right source, you can get hooked up with discounts. Purchase prostate massagers from the wrong folks and get ripped off. Once you’ve determined which toy works best, see how low you can go by shopping around.
The Top 4 Best Prostate Massagers on Today’s Market (So Far)
To make this whole thing a little easier for everybody, I suggest creating a comprehensive PROS and CONS list for the top 5 toys on your list. To give you an idea of where to start, consider the following 5. These devices are, in general, considered to be the cream of the crop:
- LELO Loki Wave
Perhaps the most luxurious anal sex toy on the modern-day market, the silicone-based Loki Wave by LELO is a force to be reckoned with. Its ergonomic shape features well-placed curves and a flared based to prevent slippage. It vibrates with a half-dozen different speeds which each have their own customizable intensity levels, plus it’s super compact and comes with a convenient storage pouch.
- Nexus Revo Stealth
With its own half-dozen vibe settings, the Revo Stealth by Nexus features a unique rotating shaft that’s controlled by a wireless remote with a 15-meter reach. This toy is perhaps the quietest of the bunch (even when it’s turned on full blast). It also has a perineum stimulator that tickles the undercarriage while the p-spot is targeted.
- Aneros Vice
Ideal for heavy duty prostate pros, this stainless-steel monstrosity is one bad mamma-jamma. It has the basic 6-speed transmission but also features a supercharged motor with three more settings (for a total of 9 distinct vibe functions). The Aneros Vice has a soft p-tab for the perineum as well, plus its ergonomics are on-point for the average male anatomy.
- LELO Hugo
Another manly masterpiece from the LELO brand, the Hugo is a robust device that features SenseMotion Technology which activates the toy’s many settings with natural body movements. Discreet and compact, it has dual motors and a wireless remote for hands-free play. The rechargeable battery lasts up to 120 minutes too (even if you run it on the highest setting).
- LELO Billy
Silicone sex toys take notes from the LELO Billy – a hypoallergenic prostate massager made with medical grade materials and featuring a safety lock. Super quiet, ultra-compact and extremely user-friendly, this marvel machine features 5 vibe settings that
The modern-day sex toy industry is always coming out with new stuff. So, what’s mentioned above is by no means an exhaustive list. Just do your best out there; I believe in you.
Tips and Tricks for Using a Prostate Massager
P-spot sex toys are not the most complicated device to use. Essentially, they just get shoved up your ass and then the party starts. Aside from the relative instructions that come with each model, there are some general usage tips and tricks that make the experience a pleasurable one for everybody involved.
Tip #1: Get Dirty Without Being Filthy
There’s a big difference between having dirty sex and having sex with dirty toys. Improperly maintained prostate massagers can harbor bacteria of epic proportions. Make sure you thoroughly clean your toy(s) after each and every use, regardless of how nasty things got. Always check the owner’s manual for specifics.
Tip #2: Don’t Be a Store-Whore
Part of proper maintenance of a prostate massager is storing it the right way. While some devices come with storage containers, many do not. To keep your toy intact through months or years of abuse, keep it put up when not in use. If you don’t get anything to keep it in with your purchase, buy something. Believe me, it’s worth the money.
Tip #3: It’s (NOT) All About the Rippin’ and the Tearin’
Always use the right kind of lube, and plenty of it. Most anal sex toys are made out of skin-safe materials that can be used with a water-based lubricant. However, water-based lubes aren’t ideal for all materials. Don’t skimp on the sauce because you’re running low or don’t have a compatible recipe. I have two words for you: anal fissures.
Tip #4: You’ve Got to Crawl Before You Walk
Regardless of how ass-venturous you are, it’s important to start small and work your way up from there. The anal canal is tight yet flexible, but that doesn’t mean it can take a pounding without being properly warmed up. In other words, stick with the shorter, skinnier prostate massagers if you’re new to this shit.
Tip #5: Make Sure You’ve Literally “Got the Power”
No seriously, be sure you understand the general operating procedure of the device you choose and then make certain you have the right equipment before the party starts. Between store bought batteries, rechargeable motors, Bluetooth compatibility and USB cables, it can be tough to know what to expect without taking a peek first. Don’t get caught with your cheese in the wind, if you know what I mean.
When it comes to shopping for prostate massagers, frustration is the name of the game. By the time a man (or a woman) sits down to read several pages about p-spot sex toys, they’ve most likely exhausted all other efforts in their futile attempt to find something worthy of their beautiful bum. The struggle is real, but it doesn’t have to be really hard.
Despite not being able to take devices on a test drive before spending money, it’s possible to find the perfect prostate plaything by following these three easy steps:
- Use this buyer’s guide to figure out how your ideal prostate massager would look, feel and operate.
- Make a list of your top 5 favorite devices on the market and then read a few reviews about them.
- Decide on a toy based on your priorities: affordability, durability, versatility, etc.
Remember, while it’s important to be careful about your purchase, it’s also important to keep an open mind. Never forget the old saying: Don’t knock it ‘til you try it. So, although you can always go back to sticking a finger up your ass right before you cum, I wouldn’t suggest it. Modern-day prostate massagers are specially designed to serve as a safe and effective way to achieve maximum sexual pleasure without getting your hands dirty.