It’s not easy being a man these days. The whole world expects you to be on your A-game at all times while also being compassionate, insightful, hilarious and handsome. To make matters worse, we’re supposed to pull all that off without getting our balls sufficiently emptied on any regular basis. I guess that means we’re all modern-day superheroes, whether we like it or not.
Fortunately, a couple dozen of the world’s most brazen manufacturers have created a number of male masturbators that aim to suffice in a pinch. Interestingly, many of the devices on the market do much more than simply suffice. In fact, I’ve personally encountered several toys that have made me second guess my relationship status. Sorry, honey.
With that said, it’s no wonder why today’s male sex toy selection is so enormous. On any given day, a man can conduct a quick search the internet and find thousands of male masturbators ranging in size, shape, color and functionality. For the newbie (and even for the seasoned vet), finding the best toy in that heap is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. This buyer’s guide attempts to make the hunt simpler and more successful.
What Is & How To Choose The Best Male Masturbator On The Market?
Step number one to finding a great sex toy: Know what a male masturbator is and what it isn’t. A male masturbator is not a one-size-fits-all machine. It’s not always automatic nor is it guaranteed to make you ejaculate. What it is, however, requires a basic understanding of the differences between men and women.
Like the standard female sex toy that we all know and love, a male masturbator is a similar device in that it gets used in various ways to generate pleasurable sensations within the user’s anatomy. Specifically, however, a male masturbator is a contraption used primarily on the penis. It’s designed to simulate conventional, oral and/or anal sex with or without a partner’s influence. Because of its relative convenience and efficacy, male sex toys of this caliber have flooded the market, especially in the last few decades.
Conventional male masturbators are also a step up from what used to be accepted as the norm – homespun fifi-like gadgets that got the job done but felt like shit and fell apart easily. As a result, the days of men waxing their crescent with bare hands and bobby-socks are over. Dudes can now pick and choose their sex toy based on a wide range of options that are, for the most part, created to be fully customizable and safe for most skin types.
The 5 Main Features of a Modern-Day Male Masturbator
While it’s true that all male masturbators are unique, it’s also true that they’re all similar to each another in several ways. Categorically speaking, men’s masturbators have the same five basic features which include the following:
- An Orifice (Opening)
A male masturbator would not serve its intended purpose if it didn’t have an opening for your dick. In fact, this feature is so important that some manufacturers have begun designing the orifice to look freakishly life-like. Certain masturbators have openings that are shaped and sized to mimic vaginal, anal and/or oral receptacles, and higher-end models even have orifices that are molded after top porn stars.
- A Canal
Equally important is a male masturbator’s canal – the hallmark of a good product. The canal is what the user slides his dick into and out of during masturbation. If the canal is not made durable enough to withstand lots of abuse, it will quickly fall apart and render the device obsolete. All male masturbators feature canals, but the best models have heavy-duty canals that stay intact and robust with proper maintenance.
- A Specialized Textured Material
Inside that durable canal awaits a sexy surprise, usually. Each male masturbator is different in this way especially, but most models have a unique texture along the lining of the canal that’s designed to help stimulate penile nerve endings. Certain manufacturers work hard to develop textures that are anatomically correct, while others get super creative and develop textures that are fantasy based. Keep in mind that only a few toy makers let you customize the canal/sleeve texture.
- A Hard Casing
To keep all those goodies protected, male masturbation devices tend to utilize a hard, outer casing. Usually, the manufacturer has developed something ergonomic which fits snugly in the average male’s hand. However, that’s not always the case. Many casings are created to be discreet instead, meaning they’re compact and easy to hide but not so easy to handle. Depending on what you’re looking for, this little feature will make a big difference.
- Function Control
Modern-day male masturbators function based on their intended uses, and thus the features included are determined by that. So, to find a good device you’ll need to understand the differences. Typically, male masturbators come in two categories and are further separated into two sub categories:
- Category One: Vaginal/Anal Sex Simulators
- Category Two: Oral Sex Simulators
- Subcategory One: Manual
- Subcategory Two: Automatic
For the most part, both primary categories are available in either manual or automatic models. Still, there’s an exception to every rule. On the bright side, certain manual models are compatible with automatic ones, meaning you can transform your manual devices into automatic masturbators with the press of a button.
Bonus Features You Might Find In Today’s Top Male Masturbation Toys (a.k.a Male Masturbators)
Not all male masturbators are created equally; some are noticeably better than others. That’s why there’s so much competition in the industry right now. Manufacturers are always looking to develop the next best thing. And while that may push even more products onto an already saturated market, it’s still very good news for the picky dicks among us.
Due to the influx of creativity and ingenuity, the global male masturbator inventory is replete with features that have never been seen or heard of until the last few years. If you play your cards right (and opt for an automatic model) you will likely find things like this:
- Bluetooth Compatibility
This allows you to hook up your hands free masturbator to another (usually from the same brand) to enjoy long-distance love-making with a live partner or virtual lover. It’s also needed to employ some of the other bonus features mentioned below.
- Virtual Reality Interfaces (VR)
This allows you to interact in real time with brand affiliated porn stars and partners who have the same set-up.
- Downloadable Porn Content
This allows you to play along with prerecorded pornography, sensual games and arousing conversations while you use your toy – often used through a smart device app.
- SenseMotion Technology
This makes an automatic toy move in tandem with you, your partner, or your virtual reality lover in real time. On most toys, it can be turned on or off at will.
- Sync-to-Music Technology
This lets you enjoy the motions of an automatic toy as it dances to your chosen playlist. A superb taste in music is required for this feature to be worth its salt.
- Wired and/or Wireless Remote Controls
This allows you to change the settings on your male masturbator with or without touching the actual toy. It’s also a terrific feature for adventurous couples.
- Warming and/or Cooling Mechanisms
This allows you to customize the temperature of the masturbator’s canal. It often involves the use of water through an attachment, but the change can sometimes be achieved electronically.
- Customizable Vibe Functions
This allows you to go inside the toy’s program to act as a developer, creating customizable vibe settings as you see fit.
Remember, each male masturbator on the market is different. While some may be automatic, they may not have the features mentioned above. On the same token, some manual masturbators have a few of those features. In other words, do your homework before assuming or buying anything.
How to Decide
To properly “do your homework” on male masturbators, you have two options. Option one is to purchase every single device you discover and try them out one by one until you find the perfect model. Option two is to carefully go through the following considerations until your search is narrowed down effectively.
I understand that some models are extremely attractive and many of them offer features that seem exciting, especially to someone who’s been cranking his yank the old-fashioned way. Just know that certain features aren’t for everybody. Know thyself, because the manufacturers don’t have a clue who you are.
- Your Intentions
Each male masturbator available has its own unique pros and cons. Keep that in mind and think about your intentions. Do you plan to use the toy by yourself or with a partner? Is the toy manual or automatic in your fantasies? How often do you plan to use your device? Questions like that should be answered before you lock eyes on any specific model.
- Your Sex Life
The way you have sex is nothing like the way someone else has sex. And although many male masturbators are extremely versatile, they’re not all created to be used in various ways. Think about your sex life. Is it relatively leveled out or are you in search of a toy that will bring some adventure into the bedroom? Do you need something to help with stamina or are you simply looking for a toy to enhance love-making? Ask your partner for their input if you’re not sure.
- Your Lifestyle
Deciding on a male masturbator requires a slight consideration about your average lifestyle and living arrangements, especially if you’re going with an automatic toy. Some auto devices are loud and many are bulky, with some that are sold without storage cases of any kind. Considering your lifestyle may help you avoid awkward conversations and situations, not to mention it can serve to improve your experience altogether. Look for something that’s quiet or that can be easily hidden or stowed away when not in use.
- Your Savviness
Some of the best male masturbators on the market have super high-tech features that are made to be user-friendly and convenient. However, that’s not always how it ends up. Those without a basic understanding of technology might find themselves more frustrated and fucked (in a bad way). Do you know how to use Bluetooth? Do you have access to an internet connection? How about the data limit on your phone – is there enough to go around? Put simply, your tech-savviness plays a huge role in how much you enjoy these new-fangled fuck sticks. If you’re not good at that kind of stuff, stick with the basics.
- Your Budget
Although it shouldn’t be your first concern, price is still important. In fact, creating a somewhat flexible budget can help you home in on the best toy. Because there are so many similar models, with manufacturers constantly creating new devices to keep up with demands, prices are super competitive. In other words, a little shopping around can save you big bucks in the end.
Along the way, you might also want to consider the following:
- Allergies to Materials
Most male masturbators are made with hypoallergenic, skin-safe materials such as medical-grade silicone or polycarbonate TPE. Stay away from latex and phthalates, especially if you have allergies or sensitive skin.
- The Type of Lube You Like to Use
Silicone-based masturbators perform best with water-based or oil-based lubes and should never be used with silicone-based lube unless you want to ruin the integrity of the toy.
- Whether You Prefer Replaceable or Rechargeable Batteries
Although many modern-day male masturbators are rechargeable, some are not. Those kinds require batteries of varied sizes that must be replaced at various intervals. There are pros and cons to both types.
- The Size of Your Penis
Last but certainly not least, think about the size of your most valuable player. Not all male masturbators offer the same size orifice or canal. Be careful out there and don’t go bottoming out for lack of research.
The Final Verdict
The male masturbator arena may be large and in charge, but that doesn’t mean you can’t navigate your way towards the Top Dog. Use the information provided here to create a concise list of your favorite options. Look for toys with manufacturer’s warranties to protect your investment.